"Stay."

(Note for non-Mormons:  LDS temples are places where members of the church go for many reasons.  One of those reasons is that we believe the temple is a place where we can feel closer to God.  It is His house, it is a quiet place separated from the world, and its beauty and cleanliness calms me.  I, along with many other Latter-Day Saints, attend the temple to find answers or help with questions or struggles in my life.  I know that the temple is a place that I can more easily hear God's voice and feel His presence.  If you want to know more about temples, go here.)

July 12th, 2013.  I had been 22 for a few hours.  By this time in the summer, because of the heat and our tiredness, we had agreed to make our daily schedule a little more lenient.  We no longer went in for meetings in the morning; instead we met around noon every day before we went out knocking.  I and another salesman were planning on attending the temple at 1:00 that day.  We left the noon meeting, rushed to the Oklahoma City temple, and barely made it on time for the 1:00 session.

Because of the hurry, I wasn't in the best mood and I wasn't able to concentrate as well as I usually can.  Which was a problem, seeing as this was my first chance in months to go to the temple and I was hoping to have a great experience there.  After the session was over, I didn't feel like I had been ready to receive any answers.  I didn't know when I would be able to go to the temple again, so I decided to go to the 6:00 session after I'd had some time to prepare.

There was a noticeable difference in the evening.  I wasn't stressed anymore and I could focus better.  I knew I was ready.  After the session, I sat in the celestial room in silent prayer, asking God why He had sent me to Oklahoma.  I wrote about what happened later in my journal:  "...all I got was one word:  'Stay', and the feeling that it would be longer than I had planned here in Oklahoma.  I wasn't ready for that.  I spent about 10 minutes just sitting there thinking, Really?  That's it?  That's what You have for me?'  And then I thought about what that meant.  If I was to stay longer, I would have to give up at least a semester of school and all the academic preparation and social experiences that came with it.  I would continue to live in Oklahoma, not knowing why I was there, and miss out on a bunch of things back home.

"To make a long story short, I doubted it.  I wasn't ready to give that up.  The only thing I did immediately was to ask the branch president (lay leader in the LDS church) for a calling (opportunity to serve in an LDS congregation).  I wanted one anyway and I figured I could quit it easily if I decided to go back to Utah when I had planned.  I didn't want to touch my classes, my job, or my apartment contract until I got further confirmation that I was really supposed to stay.

"For the next few days I was casually thinking about it while selling.  I had a couple of bad selling days even though I felt like I was in a good area.  I wondered why things weren't going so well and then I thought about the answer the Lord gave to me.  I thought of the scripture in Ether (12:6) that says you receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.  A friend of mine had posted on Facebook the question, 'What am I willing to give up for God?'  Somewhat reluctantly, I decided that night to drop all my classes and notify the BYU math lab that I wouldn't be returning fall semester, as well as start to sell my apartment contract.  I'm trusting God and hoping this will turn out all right.  I hope a lot of things, but for now, I will search, work, and wait patiently until what's supposed to happen, happens.  Until I know what I'm supposed to do and why I'm here."